Kenpachi Goes Crazy
by TheRealGoldenGamer
Summary: Kenpachi's failure in the bathroom leads him to go on a rampage.


Kenpachi Goes Crazy

Kenpachi sat on has toilet with a grimace across his face. It had been 68 hours before he first sat down, and the shit he could feel in his rectum had yet to come out. He cried, he begged, he screamed, but the feces could not be released. He even tried shoving his sword up his ass at one point, but to no avail. Finally, he had had enough. He decided to give up on his shit and take his rage out on everyone else instead. He ripped off his eye patch, wiped off his shitty blade and got ready for action.

Kenpachi burst through the wall of his house carrying the toilet above his head with one hand. He flash stepped over to Yumichika and busted the toilet over his head full force, killing him. Ikkaku started screaming like a bitch and pulled out his not-really-a-secret-bankai, but Kenpachi just shoved the toilet bowl up Ikkaku's penis hole sideways and stabbed him through the naval. Then he stomped on Ikkaku's penis as hard as he could, crush the toilet and making his dick look like bloody mashed potatoes. Finally, he twisted he sword around Ikkaku's intestines and ate them off of his sword like a kebob. Ikkaku died. As the rest of Squad 11 shit their pants, Kenpachi killed them all in one slash of his sword.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi was in the 12th Squad's laboratory working on a new drug that would make people's genitals become sentient creatures. However, he then heard the sound of a wall exploding and all of 12th Squad members being slaughtered while "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" played in the background. Nemu walked up to him and said, "All of the 12th Squad is dead." Mayuri grinned and said, "Well, you can't spell laugher without slaughter!" Then he let out a laugh that measured 190 decibels. All of a sudden, Kenpachi burst in, screamed "Huheuheuheuheuheuheuheuheuhe uheuheuheuheuheuhueh" and shoved the drug Mayuri had been working on down Nemu's throat. Her snatch became sentient it ate Mayuri. Kenpachi laughed at this nonsense and punched Nemu so hard in the chest that her heart and eyes exploded.

Jushiro Ukitake and Rukia Kuchiki were eating lunch together for absolutely no reason when the heads of Kiyone and that other fucktard she's always with crashed through the window and landed on their plates. Rukia pulled out her sword and started screaming like a bitch while Ukitake sat there silently. The front door flew off its hinges and Kenpachi walked up to Rukia and said, "Hey, did you know that all of the 13th Squad is dead?" She was about to respond but was interrupted by Kenpachi cutting off her legs, arms, head, tongue, nose, ears, and hair. Ukitake stared at silently as Kenpachi shoved Rukia's hair down Jushiro's throat and beat him to death with her torso. Kenpachi calmed walked out of the building afterwards.

Kenpachi arrived at the 10th Squad barracks where Rangiku wasn't doing anything as always and Toshiro was doing all the nonexistent paperwork. Kenpachi calmly walked up to Rangiku and cut her tits off while Toshiro pointed and laughed. He shoved one of the tits down Rangiku's throat, which she choked to death on. He used the other tit to beat Toshiro to death. Then he killed the rest of Squad 10 with the bodies of Toshiro and Rangiku.

Kenpachi then went up to Shuuhei Hisagi and put his sword to Shuuhei's throat. He forced him to kill every single member of Squad 9 or he would slash his throat. Shuuhei killed every single member of Squad 9. Kenpachi laughed so hard that Shuuhei's eardrums exploded, then Kenpachi slit his throat.

Kenpachi arrived at the Squad 8 barracks and killed Nanao with the edge of her glasses. He proceeded to stab every member of Squad 8 in the groin with the edge of Nanao's glasses. Then he slapped Kyoraku across the face with one of Rangiku's tits and stabbed him to death with his pointy hat.

Kenpachi went to the 7th Squad barracks and strangled Komamura to death. Then he used Komamura's huge body to kill the rest of Squad 7, all of Squad 6, Squad 5, Squad 4, Squad 3, Squad 2, and Squad 1. After he had finished that nonsense, he ate Komamura's body he completely destroyed the Seireitei. After all of this, he went to Kukaku's house, sat down on her toilet, and finally took that shit. His epic success caused the Soul Society to implode into itself and kill everyone.

The End.


End file.
